How Society Looks at Mums with “Naughty” Children

Society often judges mums with “naughty” children unfairly. Explore the double standards, pressures, and how we can build more empathy for parents.

The Reality of Parenting Under Society’s pressure.

Walk into a supermarket, café, or playground and you’re likely to see it sooner or later: a child throwing themselves on the floor, shouting, refusing to listen, or demanding a snack that Mum won’t buy. The child is having a tough moment—but so is the mother. Almost instantly, people glance over, some with sympathy, others with disapproving frowns. For many, the unspoken judgment forms quickly: “Oh !She can’t control her child.”

This moment may only last a few minutes, but for mothers, the weight of society’s expectations lingers much longer. How we view mums with “naughty” children reveals a lot about the pressures of modern parenting, gender roles, and our collective lack of compassion.

Snap Judgments and Quick Assumptions

When a child acts out in public, people are quick to draw conclusions. Instead of recognising that children—like adults—have moods, off days, or big feelings they can’t yet manage, many assume the behaviour is the direct result of poor parenting.

The child’s tantrum becomes a mirror of the mother’s abilities. Rarely do passersby stop to think that the child might be tired, overstimulated, hungry, or living with conditions like ADHD or autism. Instead, the labels “spoiled” or “badly behaved” get applied to the child, and “ineffective” or “weak” to the mum.

A Tale of Double Standards

Surprisingly, fathers often escape this same level of scrutiny. When a dad takes his child out and things go wrong, people sometimes respond with humour or admiration: “He’s trying, bless him.” or “It’s great to see a dad so hands-on.”

But when a mum faces the exact same situation, the response is rarely so forgiving. A crying child under her watch is more likely to spark comments about her lack of control or assumptions about her parenting style.

This double standard reflects deep cultural expectations: that childcare is primarily the mother’s domain, and that a “good” mum should be able to manage every situation perfectly. Fathers get points for showing up, while mothers are penalised for not achieving perfection.

The Pressure of Parenting in Public

Many mums describe the sensation of living under constant observation. Every time they step out with their children, it feels like they’re on stage in front of an audience. A tantrum in the supermarket aisle or a sibling squabble in the café corner suddenly becomes a public performance test: will people judge me as a good mum or a bad one?

This pressure can be overwhelming. Some mums admit they discipline more harshly in public, not because the behaviour warrants it, but because they want to prove to strangers that they are “in control.” Others avoid certain outings altogether to spare themselves the embarrassment of potential meltdowns.

The irony, of course, is that being a good mother has little to do with whether a child behaves perfectly in public. Children are not robots—they are human beings in the process of learning how to regulate emotions, follow rules, and navigate the world.

Where Empathy Is Missing

One of the greatest challenges mums face is the lack of empathy from society. Many people forget that children are still learning and that testing boundaries is part of their development. Instead, the expectation is that kids should behave like mini-adults.

That lack of compassion often extends to the mother, too. Instead of offering kindness or understanding, some bystanders prefer to criticise. A raised eyebrow, a muttered remark, or even unsolicited advice can leave a mum feeling shamed and isolated.

What we don’t see in those moments is the bigger picture. Maybe that mum has been up all night with a newborn. Maybe she’s juggling work pressures, financial worries, or caring for other family members. Maybe her child has additional needs that strangers know nothing about. What she almost certainly doesn’t need is more judgment.

The Small Glimpses of Compassion

Thankfully, not everyone is quick to criticise. Many people—especially other parents—recognise the struggle and respond with empathy. Sometimes it’s a gentle smile across the room, or a reassuring comment like, “You’re doing great, we’ve all been there.”

These small gestures can mean the world. They remind mothers that they are not alone, that parenting is messy and imperfect, and that one difficult moment doesn’t define their worth.

Social media and parenting communities are also helping shift the conversation. More mums are sharing their honest experiences online, breaking the myth of the “perfect parent” and encouraging others to embrace reality over performance. Slowly, society is learning that compassion, not criticism, is what families need most.

Why This Narrative Matters

You might wonder, why focus so much on society’s judgments? The truth is, these attitudes have ripple effects.

For mothers, constant scrutiny can lead to guilt, anxiety, and a sense of failure. It chips away at their confidence and leaves them second-guessing themselves. For children, growing up under labels like “naughty” or “spoiled” can affect self-esteem and shape how they see themselves.

If we want healthier families, we need to change the narrative. Children will always test limits, cry, or resist instructions—it’s how they learn. Instead of blaming mothers for these moments, society can choose to offer understanding.

Moving Toward a Kinder Society

So, what can we do? Here are some small but powerful shifts that make a big difference:

1. Offer empathy, not judgment. A kind look or word can ease a mum’s stress in seconds.
2. Challenge double standards. Hold both parents equally responsible, and equally worthy of praise.
3. Normalise imperfection. Remind ourselves that children will act out—it’s part of growing up.
4. Create supportive spaces. Child-friendly cafés, community groups, and inclusive public areas reduce pressure on families.
5. Speak out against shaming. If you hear someone criticising a mum, balance it with encouragement.

Finally:

Being a mum is already one of the toughest jobs in the world. Add in the watchful, judgmental gaze of strangers, and it can feel like an impossible task. But here’s the truth: children aren’t supposed to be perfect, and neither are mothers.

Next time you see a child misbehaving in public, resist the urge to judge. Instead, remember that you’re witnessing just one snapshot in a much bigger story. That mum doesn’t need criticism—she needs compassion, solidarity, and maybe even a smile.

Because while children will always have “naughty” moments, the way society responds to their mothers can either add to the burden or lighten it. Let’s choose kindness.

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